also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Enjoy the penises
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
