omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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