it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
