so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
