guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
