I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize