I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
