Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
