New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
