I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
