community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
