shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
MIDGETS
????
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
