I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
