this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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