i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
