Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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