Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
