apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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