Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
