her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
