I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
