I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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