its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
