If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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