Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
two words...techno handjob
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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