i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
