1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
