Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize