Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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