he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You're my little dorito
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Brb crying the tears of my youth
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