I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
