Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I enjoy the company of your penis
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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