Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Your tits are I can't wait for
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
