He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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