Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
