Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
