Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
