I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
