oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Randomize
