Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
