Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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