Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
