ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
