Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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