I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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