Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
