I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
