we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
