Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
