dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
