she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
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