i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
