Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
this boner is exhausting
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
