i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she told me i tasted like america
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
