if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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