I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
