she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
