Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize