it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
