can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
