now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Everything about him screamed your future.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
