this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
