3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
