So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
