I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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