Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
