I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
