Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
