they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
