So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
