So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
