Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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