dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i need some magic done to my vagina
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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