I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize