no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
